Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
