It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Operation Purity has been aborted
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
