it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
