SEEEEXXX PLEASE
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
