I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
