Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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