It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
