Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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