I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
