You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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