i was rollin on her like bob the builder
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
