I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
