i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
