Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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