So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
