hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
