I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
