yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
