why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
