so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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