Cold hands, warm shart.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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