scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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