its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
