I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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