its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Even my vagina gasped.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
