Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
