Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
