she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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