so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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