capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
