is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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