cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
