Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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