Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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