it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
