all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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