Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
