i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
