What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
is that a dick in a sweater?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
