All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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