I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
