Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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