I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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