i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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