when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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