I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
