I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
