sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
