RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
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