All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
