i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
