Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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