watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
