You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
