i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
