i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
