you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
