So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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