i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
